Foreign Feelings
by NashNurse
Summary: This story follows the same story line as A Lifetime of Regrets, but it is told through Hawkeye’s POV. Let me know what you think! These are all rather short chapters...sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Hawkeye swore softly as Colonel Potter hung up the phone. "What has she gotten herself into this time?"

"Now son," Col. Potter tried to reason with him, "Just because she's drunk doesn't necessarily mean it's anything bad. She did say it was good news."

"Yeah, but what?" Hawkeye's mind reeled as he tried to unravel the mystery.

"Just hold your horses Pierce. We'll find out tomorrow."

Hawkeye turned and walked out of the office. He was still suspicious. He could hear how drunk Margaret was, and she usually never remembered a thing after nights like this. "Oh well," he said aloud, "She's a big girl." With that he walked into the swamp and poured himself a drink.

* * *

When Hawkeye woke up the following morning his head was pounding. He cautiously rolled out of bed. "Oh God, I think lightening struck." He moaned. Frank laughed.

"Well it's your own fault. This wouldn't happen if you'd stop acting like such an animal."

Hawkeye glared at him as he sat down in his chair. "Frank, you have exactly three seconds to get your ferret face out of this tent before this 'animal' rips you limb from limb!"

Frank's eyes got big and he quickly scurried out of the tent as Hawkeye began to count. BJ started laughing as Frank tripped on the doorway on his way out. The laughter inside the Swamp died down as they heard Frank's excited yell.

"Margaret!"

Hawk looked at BJ and they both put on their robes and walked outside.

* * *

"Poor Frank." Hawk said to BJ. "That was certainly a surprise."

"Mhmmm" BJ agreed inattentively.

"It was still hilarious though," Hawkeye continued. "I'll never forget the look on his face when she told him she was engaged." Hawk chuckled and shook his head. Poor Frank, he's lucky he didn't get shipped off to the funny farm."

BJ nodded. I had been a couple of months since Margaret's engagement and she was now Mrs. Donald Penobscott. They had just gotten word of Frank's behavior in Tokyo.

"I wonder who his replacement will be." Hawk looked up, surprised. BJ hadn't said much all night. Hawk shrugged and poured himself another martini.

"Do you think it will last?" BJ asked looking at his friend.

"I don't know BJ, I just don't know."


	2. Chapter 2

"Something's going on with Margaret." Hawkeye said suddenly. Col. Potter looked up. They were sitting in his office and Hawkeye had been griping about the new surgeon, Charles, for quite sometime.

Colonel Potter took a moment to switch tracks, and then responded. "What makes you think that son?"

Hawkeye sighed. "Oh come on Colonel, you don't really believe that story about her falling do you?"

"That's what she told me happened and I'm going to trust her." Hawkeye glared at him. "Oh all right. I think it's horse hockey!" He said getting agitated. "But that's what she said happened and unless you can get her to tell you something that's all we have to go on!"

Hawkeye sighed and BJ walked in. "What's going on?" He asked, looking at the worried expressions on the two men's faces.

Hawkeye looked at his friend. "Have you seen Margaret since she got back?" He asked sharply.

BJ looked confused. "No, I was on duty in post-op. Why?" Hawkeye leaned back in is chair and poured himself another drink, apparently with no intention of answering BJ.

"Colonel?" BJ was getting irritated now. Why was Hawkeye acting like such a jerk?

Potter sighed and poured BJ a drink. "She's hurt." He said as he handed BJ his drink. Hawkeye laughed cynically.

"Colonel did you even look at that eye?" Hawkeye jumped up from his chair and began pacing around the room. "It was almost swollen shut! And I'm sure that's not all that was wrong. I touched her back and she almost screamed." Hawkeye was visibly upset and BJ stared at his friend. Hawkeye never acted like this.

Hawkeye sat back down and refilled his drink. He knew the other men must be thinking he'd finally lost it. He was wondering at his behavior himself. He sighed and put his feet up on the desk.

"I'm worried about her, that's all." Hawk said quietly. BJ nodded and smiled.

"I don't blame you Hawk." He paused, "What did Margaret say about it?"

"She said she fell." Hawkeye said with a pessimistic smile.

BJ couldn't help smiling. "That's a pretty pathetic excuse."

Colonel Potter leaned forward, placing his hands in front of him on the desk. "Yes, it is. But it's the only excuse she gave us and we're going to trust her! Comprendo?"

* * *

For the following month Hawkeye kept a close eye on Margaret, especially when she left for a two day trip to Seoul. When she returned, he noticed that she was slightly out of sorts, but physically she seemed fine.

"Maybe she did fall." He remarked to BJ one evening. It had been a long morning in OR and they were exhausted.

"Yeah sure Hawk, whatever." BJ flopped down onto his cot. "Wake me when the war's over." BJ was becoming increasingly annoyed at Hawkeye's obsession with Margaret. He couldn't' get him to stop worrying about her.

"Hawk, if it's bothering you that much just go talk to her." Hawkeye looked back at him bleakly.

"I told you I tried that! She almost bit my head off!" BJ chuckled to himself. He remembered that day. Hawkeye had sat around for the rest of the day sulking.

"Did you know she's leaving again today?" Hawkeye sat up from his cot and poured himself a drink from the still.

BJ groaned. "Hawk you've told me that at least four times. Now leave me alone, I want to get some sleep."

Hawkeye put his glass down and walked toward the door. "Fine, some friend you are." He stuck out his tongue at BJ as he left.

* * *

The following morning Hawkeye woke up to a jeep pulling into the compound. He jumped up thinking it was wounded. He glanced outside of the swamp and noticed that it was Margaret. He frowned. "What is she doing back so soon?" He asked himself.

"Margaret!" He called out to her and she looked over her shoulder at him but then quickly turned around. Hawkeye pulled on a pair of pants and walked out to her.

"Margaret, why are you back so soon?" She turned her head so he couldn't see her face. She shook her head and walked away. Hawkeye quickly reached out and grabbed at her shoulder. Margaret took a gasped and grimaced. Hawkeye released her shoulder and looked at her with concern.

"What's wrong Major?" He reached down and tilted her head up. He could see that she had been crying. She also had a lot of make up on, he wondered at that. Make up was extremely scarce and he was confused as to why she would use so much of it for a jeep ride.

"Nothing's wrong." She whispered hoarsely. "I was bored and I felt like coming back. That is all Captain." She glared at him and walked away to her tent. Hawkeye sighed and began walking towards the Colonel's office. As he entered the office Radar looked up at him and quickly exited the room.

"Margaret's back." Colonel Potter looked up in surprise.

"Really? Did she say why she came back early?" Hawkeye started laughing.

"Yeah, she said she was 'bored'. I don't buy that. Hot Lips Houlihan doesn't get 'bored'" Colonel Potter frowned. He wasn't only worried about their head nurse; he was extremely troubled about their chief surgeon. He had been acting pretty loony the past month.

"You think she's hurt again, don't you?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Listen Pierce, Margaret needs to have a physical pretty soon. I'll just tell her it needs to be done within a week. Will that satisfy you?"

"Hawkeye sat down. "I suppose so." He sighed. "I want to do it."

Colonel Potter chuckled. "You know she won't let you. I'll just have to do it."

"Aw come on Colonel. Just wait until you leave for Tokyo in three days."

Potter shook his head. "That wont work Pierce, there would still be two other doctors besides you."

Hawkeye put his head in his hands and began rubbing his temples. Colonel Potter could practically see the wheels in his head turning.

"No, it might work. I could ask Beej to turn down her request." Hawk looked at Potter smiling. "He could give some lame excuse, like Peg wouldn't like it."

"What about Winchester?" The Colonel prompted.

Hawkeye stood up and began to walk toward the door. "Well, we'll just have to wait and see which of us she despises more." Colonel Potter chuckled.

"You have an incredibly devious mind Pierce."

"Thank you Colonel." He said, bowing on his way out.

* * *

"Radar!" Colonel Potter called from his office. Major Houlihan had just informed him that she wanted Captain Pierce to do the examination.

"Yes sir?" The corporal walked into the room.

"Radar, go and get Captain Pierce and…"

"He's already on his way sir."

"Thank you Radar, that's all." He looked up but Radar had already left the room. A few moments later Hawkeye walked in.

"Well Pierce, I don't know how you managed it but it worked!" Hawkeye smiled triumphantly. "She wasn't very happy about it but she wants you to do the exam."

"I assumed she would. I did my best to make Charles as annoying as possible these past few days."

Colonel Potter chuckled and shook his head as Pierce walked outside. "Devious mind Pierce…a devious mind."

* * *

"Alright Major, strip." Hawkeye grinned. Margaret was extremely uncomfortable and he was loving it.

"Jerk." He heard her mumble quietly.

He watched her with an amused smile as she unbuckled her belt. She slowly pulled her pants off and Hawkeye instantly frowned. He was boiling inside. He knew that jerk was hurting her!

_Oh my God Margaret, what has he been doing to you?_

She sighed and pulled her shirt off over her head. Hawkeye gasped sharply.

_Oh God, he needs to be locked up! _Hawkeye had rarely seen anything like this. He was up to his knees in blood almost every day but it wasn't ever anyone close to him. He smiled pathetically as he thought about how badly he had wanted to do this examination. He wanted to know if Penobscott was doing anything to her. Well, now he knew and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. He was kicking himself for trying to ignore her problems.

_Hawkeye, you idiot! You should have done something!_

He looked at her and saw she was staring at him. She quickly looked away and scooted onto a low metal table. Pity washed over him. She was miserable. It would be humiliating for her if everyone knew about this. He had no idea what to say. He sighed quietly. Well, right now he was her doctor. Her personal life doesn't need to mix with this examination; he could deal with that later. He forced on a perverted smile and walked over to her.

"Come on Hot Lips, let's get this examination over with."


	3. Chapter 3

Hawkeye knocked gently on Margaret's door. She had been avoiding him all day. He didn't really blame her; she had to know that he wouldn't let her problems go unnoticed. He had taken a shower, shaved and put on a semi-clean uniform. He didn't want to risk her wrath.

"Come in." He heard her say lightly.

He opened the door and stepped into the tent. Margaret's back was to him; she didn't turn around, but fiddled with her brush and hand-mirror. Hawkeye thought she had never looked lovelier. She had on her silk nightgown, the one she used to wear for Frank, he noticed. She had just let her hair down and it looked like spun-gold spilling around her shoulders. He smiled.

"Hey Hot Lips." She stiffened noticeably and spun around. Hawkeye cringed at the look on her face. It was one mixed of anger and humiliation; he would never be able to get a word out of her.

"We need to talk." She started to say something but he held up his hand to silence her.

Hawkeye succeeded in getting her to openly admit that it was Donald who was hurting her. It was rather obvious, but he was still surprised that she admitted it. She was very nervous and suddenly turned the tables by questioning his reaction during the exam.

Hawkeye tried not to smile. _"She probably thinks I'm a total jerk! Smiling like that…" _

"Dead men tell no tales." He picked up her hands and smiled at her. And she attempted to smile back. That smile, however shaky, was a welcome sight for Pierce. It proved that she was at least willing to be civil; maybe even friendly. Then he made a mistake, a very stupid mistake.

"Why don't you leave him?" Hawkeye felt regret sweep over him the moment he said it. She instantly became rigid and tried to pull her hands away. Hawkeye refused to release them. He cringed inwardly as she defiantly stared back at him.

"I love him!" She declared passionately. Hawkeye almost laughed aloud. He raised one eyebrow questioningly. He couldn't believe she just said that. She regretted that statement, he could tell. He knew she only said it because he got her defenses up and she was trying to get back on top of her emotions.

She stood up and began pacing around the room. He sat there watching, knowing that she needed a little space. She looked at him and sighed. She had a defeated look on her face; he hated seeing her like that. He stood up and pulled her to him. She allowed him to hold her in a comforting embrace. Then she began to cry. He held her closer and stroked her hair until she calmed down.

Several hours later Pierce sat on the cot, holding Margaret in his arms. She had been sleeping for about twenty minutes and he was debating whether or not to leave. He was enjoying watching her sleep. He thought she looked like an angel.

He stroked her hair gently, thinking about what had just occurred. He thought she hated him; and yet she allowed him to get close enough to comfort her. She had told him everything, some of it he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know. She had broken down and cried almost every fifteen minutes. He knew it was good for her.

He glanced at the clock on her desk; it was almost five. He had to get some sleep. Cautiously he scooted out from underneath Margaret, pulling a blanket over her than he silently slipped out of her tent.

He quickly walked to the swamp. Entering he looked around to make sure BJ, and Charles were asleep. He climbed onto his cot but had an after-thought. He quietly opened his foot-locker and dug to the bottom pulling out a small box he had asked his father to send him. He opened it and two rings lay inside on the faded, blue velvet; glittering in the moonlight. He smiled and gently placed the box back in the locker.


	4. Chapter 4

Pierce smiled in anticipation. He had wiped himself out that morning trying to put together some last-minute plans for a dance. He was anxious to tell the nurses, especially Margaret. He had seen her cry all last night and now he wanted to see her laugh and smile.

"Sheesh Hawk, calm down." BJ said to him, laughing. "What's with you today?"

"I'm just looking forward to tonight that's all." Hawkeye replied innocently. BJ rolled his eyes. He knew there was something his friend wasn't telling him. Hawkeye didn't normally get this excited over a dance. Even if he had a date and as far as BJ knew he had asked none of the nurses. BJ felt Hawkeye shift excitedly next to him. He looked up and followed his friend's gaze. Margaret was walking toward the mess tent.

Hawkeye continued to watch her as she received her food and walked over to the nurses. He raised one eyebrow and watched her curiously. _Was she actually trying to be friendly to the nurses? _She sat down and smiled and they stared at her. Hawkeye tried his hardest not to laugh. "_Poor Margaret!" _She was turning a million shades or red. Hawkeye decided to try and bail her out. He stood up and walked over to them.

"Hello ladies." He said pleasantly. He continued on, telling them about the dance. He watched Margaret out of the corner of his eye for her reaction. He was a little hurt to see her bite her lip and sigh. _"Oh well, it might not be the dance." _

After filling the nurses in on the details he followed Margaret outside.

"Are you coming to our dance Hot Lips?"

She angrily told him to leave her alone. Hawkeye was surprised, but he knew there was more to her bad mood that she was letting on.

"Not until you promise to go with me." He said it almost hopefully. He smiled as he saw the expression on her face change from anger, to shock and then to warmth. He told her to be ready at seven and then walked towards the swamp.

Later that evening as Hawkeye prepared for the dance, he was trying to sort through his feelings. He didn't know what to do. He was really beginning to care for Margaret. He knew he worried about her almost constantly. However, he felt it was a bad idea to get too close. She was still married, although he knew it wouldn't be for long.

He opened up his foot locker and pulled out his tuxedo. The jewelry box was wrapped in it and tumbled to the floor. Hawkeye sighed and picked up the box. He opened it, staring at the rings. In the lid there was a piece of paper folded several times. He unfolded it and began to read it.

_Dear Son,_

_I am enclosing with this letter your mother's ring. I found it exactly where you said it was. I haven't been up in that tree house in years. It brought back so many memories. As did seeing this ring. It seems like only yesterday I was placing it on her hand. I can't imagine it looking half as lovely on anyone else's. I was shocked when she gave it to you, I remember yelling at you and I apologize for that. It seems silly apologizing after so many years, but still…I never think I told you before, but it scared me when she gave you that ring. It was like she was giving up. Anyway… (Sorry, I didn't mean to get so melancholy.) I am also giving you my wedding band. If you wanted the ring for the reasons I think you do…you will also need a ring for yourself; and I'll be happy to donate mine. (I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!) Call me selfish, fine. I don't care. I hope this girl is what your mother would have wanted. Make sure that you couldn't live without her! I love you and miss you, ---Dad_

Hawk's eyes misted as he thought about the night his mother died. She called him over to her. She took off her ring and pressed it into his small hand.

"Give this to the girl you means more to you than anything else in the world." She whispered. "Make sure that you couldn't live without her."

At ten, the idea of loving a girl that much was rather strange, still he remembered what she said. She died that night, and when Hawkeye and his father returned home he ran to his tree house. He had often gone there to escape from the reality of what was happening to his mother. He pulled up one of the floorboards and placed the ring inside of a tin lunchbox, along with his most prized possessions.

Hawkeye smiled as he re-folded the letter. He placed it, along with his father's wedding band, back into his foot locker. He slipped the small box, with the other ring, into his pocket.

Hawkeye made his way over to the nurse's tent at seven-twenty. He had looked everywhere for Margaret and was beginning to worry. He knocked hurriedly on the door. Nurse Able opened the door and he smiled at her.

"Have you seen Maj. Houlihan? I've looked everywhere for her and I can't…"

"Captain," Margaret's voice called to him from inside the tent. "I'm right here." She laughed and came to the door. Hawkeye offered her his arm and the walked towards the mess tent. He couldn't take his eyes off of her. Her hair was curled loosely and was spilling about her shoulders. She had on a soft pink dress with matching shoes. He had no idea where she got these things, but she looked like a princess. She looked up at him and she smiled.

As he escorted her into the mess tent she gasped. He looked at her, his eyes shinning with excitement.

"How did you manage it?" She asked in amazement. He smiled.

"That's our little secret."

They danced together the entire night. He loved being so close to her. They were having fun. Margaret was a horrible dancer and they were tripping over everyone. Every time they touched it strengthened Hawkeye's resolve to tell her what he was feeling. Halfway through the last dance they tripped over a bench and went sprawling onto the floor. Margaret was laughing hysterically as they tried to disentangle themselves. Hawkeye brushed Margaret's bangs out of her eyes and smiled.

"_I love you, Margaret." _He almost said it. It was halfway out of his mouth but she looked behind him and frowned. He turned to see Radar standing over them.

"Uh Sir? I...uh...I mean…uh…Ma'm…er…Major? Um your hus…Uh I mean…Lt. Col. Penobscott is here to see you."


	5. Chapter 5

Hawkeye saw her begin to tremble. She looked terrified. He quickly stood and offered Margaret help up.

"Margaret, are the divorce papers in your tent?" He had to think rationally. In all honesty he wanted nothing more than to go to the office a tear that jerk limb from limb; but for Margaret's sake he had to keep his head about him.

When they arrived at her tent, Margaret practically ripped apart her furniture looking for the forms. She was halfway under her cot when Hawkeye saw them sitting neatly on her desk. He crossed the room and picked them up.

"Margaret, here they are." As she climbed out from underneath the cot her face was so comical that Hawkeye would have laughed had the situation not been so serious. As it was he couldn't help but smile. She stood up and practically ran out of the tent. He followed her to the door of Colonel Potter's office, where she stopped. She still looked terrified.

"I'm not going anywhere." He reassured her.

"What if won't sign them?" She looked up at him; Hawkeye thought she looked like a child, lonely and afraid.

"He will." Hawkeye could say that with confidence, he didn't care how much it took; he would make certain that pond-scum would sign.

Hawkeye opened the door and pulled Margaret in behind him. Penobscott turned and looked confused as he saw Hawkeye. The confusion melted away the instant he saw Margaret. He rushed over to her and held her in a passionate embrace. Hawkeye saw her struggling to get away from him and his blood began to boil.

_"How dare that creep treat her like this? He could have killed her last week!"_

Hawkeye swiftly walked over to Penobscott and firmly pushed him back from Margaret.

"Margaret, what's going on? What's with this guy?" Penobscott was getting upset, he had no idea why this man was even in the office, and now he was acting like Margaret's bodyguard!

Poor Margaret, she was trying so hard to find the words she had been rehearsing in her mind the past ten minutes. "Donald, last week in Seoul…"

Hawkeye sneered as a look of extreme discomfort came over the man's face.

"…I told you I wanted a divorce," She sighed and continued. "I still do."

Hawkeye started to move towards Margaret protectively. He saw the look on Donald's face and it was not a pleasant one. He swore if that jerk even touched her, his arm would be useless from now on. Donald's following action was a complete surprise; at least it was for Hawkeye.

He heard Margaret scream as he was hurled backwards into the filling cabinets. Instantly Hawkeye realized what this man was thinking. He tried to gather his thoughts and get up from the floor. He glanced at Margaret who was staring at him. Donald was approaching her now, certain that Pierce was out of the way. Margaret didn't even see him coming.

Hawkeye jumped up and tackled Penobscott. He wanted to beat this man till he was dead. Instead he jerked his arm behind his back and pushed him against the desk.

Donald's mind was reeling. How did this guy manage to tackle him? He didn't have half the strength he did. There had to be some way out of this arm lock.

Sensing what the man was thinking, Hawkeye cautioned. "Don't move an inch or your arm will break." He turned to look at Margaret. "Could you bring the papers over here please?" He said as calmly as possible, not wanting to upset her. She stared back at him blankly with her mouth hanging open, as if in a trance. "Margaret!" The urgency in his tone seemed to bring her back around. "…The papers."

She instantly laid them on the desk and jumped backwards as if Donald was a poisonous snake.

"Sign sir." Hawkeye whispered fiercely into the man's ear. Donald struggled to get his free arm up and hurriedly signed.

"_What kind of freak is this guy?" _He was completely unnerving him.

After Donald signed, Hawkeye straightened him up and began to push him outside. Once outdoors and away from Margaret, Hawkeye let him have it. One good punch sent Donald sprawling on the ground.

"Don't you ever come near her again! Do you understand?" Hawk shouted. Donald nodded, inching away from the crazed man. Hawkeye wouldn't let him off that easily. He took a step towards the man and picked him up, only to send him sprawling again. Hawkeye stepped next to him and kicked him in the ribs. He hoped he cracked a few.

"Now get out of here, and never come near that girl again!" He shouted. Then he turned and quickly walked back inside, leaving Donald to rush to his jeep.

When Hawkeye returned he saw Margaret curled up on the floor crying. He sat down next to her and stroked her back as she cried.

"I'm so sorry Margaret." She looked up at him and then leaned into his arms allowing him to comfort her. Hawkeye was overwhelmed with emotions. He wanted to kiss all her tears away and tell her how much he cared for her…no…he wanted to tell her he loved her.

"Thank you." Her voice jerked him back into reality.

"For what Major?" He smiled sadly, he wanted to tell her.

"For being my friend; for being the only one that cares." He smiled again and slowly shook his head.

"Margaret, there are plenty of people who would love to kill you;" She looked up at him curiously, and Hawkeye almost laughed. "But there are even more people that would kill for you."

She started to smile but tears began to spill down her cheeks.

"No more tears Margaret; that scum isn't worth it." She shook her head slightly and leaned closer to him. Placing her hand on his shoulder she leaned in closer and kissed him. She slipped her arms around his neck and Hawkeye was about to do the same to her. He couldn't believe it, she was kissing him! It seemed as if everything was so perfect; time seemed to stand still. Then Hawkeye's mind kicked back in.

He gently pushed her back. It took all his willpower to do so. He looked questioningly at her, searching her eyes to try and understand her actions. All he saw was tears.

"You're upset Margaret. Come on, I'll take you to your tent." He stood up and offered her his hand. She was blushing and she looked away, pretending not to see his extended hand. She struggled to her feet and rushed towards the door.

Hawkeye realized that she was embarrassed. He didn't want her to leave; he couldn't stand her being upset with him.

"Margaret," He reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her towards him. "You know you would have regretted it in the morning." Her face flushed and she looked up at him her eyes flashing, he could tell he had made her angry. But at the same time she looked hurt, he couldn't bear that look.

Her expression changed suddenly, and her eyes filled.

"I love you." She said it so quietly He almost didn't hear. When he realized what she said a thousand soft explosions went off in his brain. He was so close to picking her up and spinning her around. She loved him! Hawkeye smiled and was about to hold her hand, but when he reached for it, he noticed she was still clutching her divorce papers.

His heart sank. He knew it wouldn't be fair to take advantage of her fragile emotions. She needed a friend, one she could trust. She was physically and emotionally exhausted. He knew she would regret what she said in the morning.

"Margaret…" She stiffened as he started to speak. "…Margaret you've just been through a very big ordeal and you're tired, why don't you get some sleep." He offered her a weak smile and she glared at him. She whipped around and rushed outside.

Hawkeye sighed and rubbed his eyes. He walked over to the Colonel's liquor cabinet and poured himself a drink. He lowered himself into the chair and sighed again.

"_What on earth am I going to do?"_


	6. Chapter 6

Hawkeye walked through the double doors into Colonel Potter's office.

"Yeah Colonel, you wanted to see me?"

Colonel Potter sighed and stood up.

"Yes Pierce, I do. I want to know why there is blood on my filing cabinets." He didn't give Hawkeye a chance to answer, but continued on. "I also want to know why this room looked like a tornado came through it last night. And I especially want to know why our head nurse refuses to come out of her tent!" The colonel was shouting now and Hawkeye looked very uncomfortable.

"Penobscott showed up last night." Hawkeye said simply. He didn't want to give any details, for Margaret's sake.

Potter sighed and sat down. "Come on Pierce, Radar told me that much."

Hawkeye groaned. "Colonel its private, if Margaret wants to discuss it then fine…just ask her!"

"That plan would be just fine except the Major refuses to talk to anyone."

"Just give her some space Colonel. She'll come around."

"Hawkeye she didn't even come out of her tent for OR! She's lucky we didn't need her!" Colonel Potter calmed down and poured Pierce and himself a drink. "I've been thinking about having her transferred."

Hawkeye's heart dropped into his stomach. _No! Margaret can't leave!_ Colonel Potter continued.

"It would only be for a while. The 8063rd needs a head-nurse for a month or two. They asked if we could spare Major Houlihan."

Hawkeye began to relax, it was only temporary. Then he tried to distance himself from his feelings for Margaret and honestly think about what would be best for her. He sighed.

"Maybe a change in scenery would be good for her." He wondered aloud.

"Exactly what I was thinking. That woman has been through a lot in the past month, and I think she's about to crazy if she has to stay here much longer."

Hawkeye knew it was true. But he wanted to keep her with him more than anything.

"_Well as long as it's only temporary." _He said to himself. To the Colonel he said, "Just do whatever you think is best Colonel."

"Thank you son."

* * *

Hawkeye didn't sleep at all that night. He couldn't get her face out of his mind. He kept picturing her as she was leaving. He had come to say goodbye but her jeep was already heading down the road. He stood there watching her look back at him, a haunted look in her eyes. He wanted to run after her, to hold her and tell her how much he cared. He was scared. He was scared that he would never see her again. He rolled over and looked at Charles' clock sitting on his desk. _Five-twenty a.m._ He groaned and pulled himself up. He jerked on his bathrobe and shoes and walked outside.

He just started to walk, He wasn't sure where he was going but he had to get away, even if it was for a few moments. He ended up on a grassy hill about a mile away from camp. He sighed.

"God, it's beautiful here." He whispered to himself. He sat down, his back resting against a tree, the sun was up and it slowly began to warm his body. He quickly fell asleep.

When he woke up it was dark. He couldn't believe he had slept that long. He hurriedly pulled himself up and began to jog back to camp. He paused as he heard something. It sounded like someone crying for help. It was definitely a woman's voice. He turned around and surveyed the field. He saw an unconscious human form curled in a ball at the foot of the hill. He jogged down the hill wishing he had his medical bag with him.

At the bottom of the hill he slowed his pace and walked towards the girl tentatively. He clothes were covered in mud and blood matted her hair and covered her face. She was wearing fatigues…she was an American! He rolled her onto her back and took his shirt off to wipe her face. What he saw made him jump back in shock, it was Margaret!

He desperately tried to wake her. He checked her pulse…he couldn't find one. He laid his head on her chest, he couldn't hear a heartbeat. Frantically Hawkeye began beating her chest, trying his hardest to save her. Nothing worked. He picked her up and held her closely to him and began to cry bitterly. He cried for hours, all alone, until he finally cried himself to sleep.

He woke up suddenly, he looked around him. The sun was up again, it couldn't be later than seven in the morning. Startled he looked down at his lap; it was empty. Where was Margaret? It suddenly dawned on him…it was a dream; a horrific nightmare, but nothing more. As if it were too good to be true, Hawkeye looked down at his shirt. It was still on and had no blood stains. He laughed nervously.

_I better lay off that lighter fluid. _He thought cynically. He shakily stood up and proceeded to head back to camp. Trying his best to shake off the uneasiness the dream had left with him.

* * *

"Radar? Radar where are you?" Hawkeye shouted as he walked into the office.

"I'm right here, sir." The boy responded nervously.

Hawkeye was in no mood to deal with Radar. As hard as he tried, he just couldn't shake the queasiness the dream had left him with.

"Get on the phone and connect me with the 8063rd." He was shouting again. Radar nervously jumped up from his chair. Hawkeye never yelled at him. What was wrong?

As Radar placed the call Hawkeye paced back and forth across the small space. He needed to talk with Margaret. He needed her voice to calm his nerves.

"What in tarnation is all this racket?" Colonel Potter yelled as he stepped into the room. "Pierce, what's going on?"

"Uh sir?" It was Radar. "Um Corporal Miller is on the line at the 8063rd."

Hawkeye pounced on the phone.

"This is Captain Pierce. I need to speak to Major Houlihan." There was a pause and Colonel Potter smiled, realizing what Pierce was doing. His smile quickly faded as Hawkeye's face turned pale. "What do you mean?" He shouted. "They left yesterday!" Hawkeye's hands had begun to shake. He listened for a few more moments and then hung up the receiver.

He turned and walked towards the door, as if in a trance.

"Hawkeye?" Colonel Potter's questioning tone, seemed to bring his mind back.

"She never got there," He choked out. "She never got there."


	7. Chapter 7

"Come on Hawkeye, talk to me!" Hawkeye opened his eyes to look at his friend. Then he shut them and leaned back in his chair sipping his martini.

"Hawk," BJ persisted. "Hawkeye!" BJ stepped over to his friend and pried the glass out of his hand, throwing it against the door.

"Hey! What do you think your doing?" Hawkeye cried as the glass shattered.

"I'm redecorating." BJ said determinedly, walking towards the still.

"Beej, don't you dare." Hawkeye said menacingly. However BJ paid to attention to him and began to rapidly dismantle the still.

"Knock it off!" Hawkeye jumped up and pushed BJ away from the still. "Are you crazy? What are you doing?" Hawkeye began to feel dizzy and he sat back down.

"Hawkeye you haven't stopped drinking since this morning! You'll kill yourself at the rate you're going!"

"Don't look at it as me dying, just look at it as a transfer." He said cynically. BJ looked at his friend. He had really lost it. BJ gathered up the remains of the still and began to walk towards Colonel Potter's office, depositing the still in the garbage on his way in.

"Colonel you have to get Sidney down here." BJ demanded as he walked into the office. Colonel Potter was on the phone and he held up his hand.

"Yes I understand you're busy, but…" He was cut off by the person on the other end. "Why don't you people get it? We need to find her!" He shouted angrily into the phone and followed his sentence with a few choice words. He paused and then sighed. "Yes, I'll hold." He then looked up at BJ.

"What's that about Sidney?" He asked wearily.

"For Hawkeye," He explained. "I think he's really lost it Colonel. I'm worried."

"I already called Sidney, and just about every other shrink in Korea. None of them can make it here right now." He placed the receiver against his ear again. "Hello? Yes this is Colonel Potter. Yes…it was a Corporal Miller. You found him?" Colonel Potter paused as he listened. "Oh I see, thank you Major." Colonel Potter sighed as he hung up the phone. He sadly looked over at BJ.

"They found the jeep…and the corporal." Colonel Potter looked extremely upset.

"And…" BJ prompted, "What about Margaret?"

Colonel Potter simply shook his head.

"Colonel, what about Margaret?"

Sherman cleared his throat and poured himself and BJ a drink. "The jeep had exploded. They also found the corporal who was driving…He was dead. From the explosion, his face…" He just shook his head again.

BJ sat down heavily processing the information.

"Well if she wasn't there, couldn't she be alive?" He asked hopefully. Colonel Potter stared into his drink.

"The jeep was about seven miles behind enemy lines."

* * *

"Hawk?" BJ approached his friend nervously. Hawkeye wished he would just go away. He was miserable. He couldn't help but blame himself for what had happened. He honestly wanted to die.

BJ sat down beside him, unsure if he should tell his distraught friend of the discovery.

"Don't worry Hawk, they'll find her." He said reassuringly; placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Hawkeye shrugged off his hand and walked outside. When he reached the door he stopped and turned to look at his friend. "Yeah, but will they find her alive?" He walked out slamming the door behind him.

Hawkeye walked back to the hillside he had been at that morning. He sat down next to the same tree with his knees pulled to his chest. He felt like a little boy frightened by a noise in the night. He looked at the sky. I was darkening, large clouds quickly rolling in, blotting out the sun. He rested his head onto his knees. He couldn't believe this was happening. Only two days ago he had been ready to propose to a woman he loved with his entire being. Now he was in the middle of a field wondering if that same woman was dead or alive.

"_And it's all your fault." _He said to himself. _"She didn't want to go to the 8063rd. She probably wouldn't have gone if you hadn't reassured Potter to send her away." _

The first few raindrops hit his forehead and rolled down, around his eyes and mixed with the warm tears covering his cheeks.

* * *

BJ looked at the clock. It was two in the morning and Hawkeye still wasn't back. Where was that idiot? Absentmindedly BJ opened the door and glanced around outside. It was pouring down rain. A flash of lightning occasionally lit up the sky. He looked around searching for any sign of Hawkeye. As a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky BJ saw him standing outside of the compound staring at something. BJ ran as quickly as possible towards his friend. When he was about fifteen feet away he stopped and began shouting at him.

"Hawk are you crazy? I've been worried sick about you!" Hawkeye gave no response. He didn't even acknowledge BJ's words. He just continued staring at the ground. BJ followed his gaze, wondering what his friend was thinking. He saw nothing just an empty field. BJ's body tensed. They were standing on the edge of a minefield.

"Hawk? Come on let's go get some coffee." Hawkeye turned and looked at his friend. His eyes were swollen and he was drenched.

"It's my fault Beej. It's all my fault." He chocked out. "I killed her!"

"No, no you didn't." BJ was scared. He was trying desperately to get his friend away from the field. "Hawk, she might be fine! What if she comes back and we have to tell her you're dead?" That seemed to get his attention. "Are you willing to take that risk?" Hawkeye sighed and turned around to face BJ. BJ walked towards him slowly and put an arm around his shoulders. "Come on, let's get some coffee."


	8. Chapter 8

BJ guided Hawkeye into the mess tent keeping a firm grasp on his arm. Hawkeye sat down at one of the tables and BJ got them some coffee. As he was sitting down he saw Hawkeye fiddling with a ring. BJ didn't say anything, Hawkeye seemed to be deep in thought and he didn't want to intrude.

Hawkeye picked up the mug and took a hesitant sip. He gagged.

"Oh Beej this stuff is awful!" He glared at his friend. "I sure could go for a martini right now." BJ smiled cynically in response. There was a long silence and then Hawkeye laid the ring down in front of BJ. BJ picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a simple ring; a band of white-gold with one round diamond. He could tell it had been worn before. There were a few nicks along the band and the diamond wasn't as bright as it once was.

"The night of the dance…" Hawkeye paused. He seemed unsure of whether or not he wanted to continue. "I was going to propose to her." BJ was shocked.

"What?" He exclaimed incredulously. "Hawkeye are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, I feel fine, thank you." Hawkeye smiled mockingly. BJ chuckled.

"I'm sorry Hawk." He paused, searching for the right words. "You love her?" BJ was almost afraid of the answer.

"Yes." He looked his friend straight in the eye. "Yes, I do."

* * *

"Colonel can't you do something?" Hawkeye shouted at Colonel Potter.

"Calm yourself Pierce. We're doing everything we can!" Colonel Potter was doing his best not to become as agitated as Hawkeye.

"Don't you care? She could be dead! Would you even care?" Hawkeye was screaming now.

"That's enough Pierce!" Potter jumped up from his chair and pounded his fist onto his desk. "I want you to stop acting like you're the only one who cares about that girl! For the past five days you've walked around here half out of your mind. Well I want you to gather up the other half of your brain and realize that I care about her too!"

Potter sighed and sat back down. There was a long silence as Hawkeye walked over to the window and stared out at the rain.

"She's out there in this storm." He whispered quietly. Colonel Potter stood up and walked over to Hawkeye, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Hawkeye turned and looked at the man. He reminded him a lot like his father.

"I love her." He whispered again.

"I know you do son, I know you do."

"Colonel Potter!" Radar rushed into the room. "I just got a call from a battalion aid station not far from here."

"We're getting wounded?" He asked.

"No sir." Radar paused. "Well we are, but only one." He hurried on trying to explain himself. "A Korean man found a girl near his hut. He brought her to the Aid Station and they think it's Margaret." Hawkeye tensed. Could it be?

"Is she alive?" He asked hoarsely, terrified of the answer.

"Uh yes sir, but she's hurt bad. They're flying her in by chopper. She'll be here in about fifteen minutes."

Hawkeye ran to post-op as fast as he could. He had to get BJ.

"BJ!" His friend looked up at him. BJ jumped up as he saw the expression on Hawk's face.

"Did they find her?" Hawkeye nodded. He was too upset to give his friend any decent information.

"Coming in chopper…" He said breathlessly. "Need…scrub…" BJ got the idea and he didn't need to be told twice. He rushed off to scrub up. Hawkeye followed him but was stopped by Colonel Potter.

"Don't bother scrubbing up." He said curtly.

"Colonel I…" He was cut off.

"No Pierce! I will not allow you to operate on her! You are far too upset." Hawkeye relented, wishing desperately that he had the still. He began to walk towards Rosie's but the sound of a chopper turned him around and he began running towards the landing.

He reached the top of the hill the same time as the chopper. He heard a jeep coming behind him. He ran to the chopper and looked at the body it was carrying.

"_Oh my God, it can't be her!" _He thought. But there was no question about it. The bloodied form was Margaret.

* * *

After two hours of surgery BJ and Charles exited the OR. Hawkeye, who had been waiting right outside of the doors, rushed over to them. BJ smiled and put a comforting hand on his friends shoulder.

"I think she'll be okay, Hawk." Hawkeye wanted to believe it but there was something about his friend's tone of voice that worried him

"What's wrong Beej?" BJ looked away uncomfortably. He sighed and sat down.

"She has an infection. Her temperature is 105.2 degrees." Hawkeye landed hard on the bench. "She's lost a lot of blood Hawk. She's lost a lot of blood." Hawkeye's head began to swim.

_They found her; she's supposed to be fine!_

* * *

Hawkeye sat by her bedside, stroking her hand lightly. It had been almost two days and there was still no change. It was three in the morning but he refused to go to bed. He had only slept a total of four hours the past two days. Slowly his head began to nod and he drifted off to sleep. He opened his eyes and saw his mother sitting on the other side of Margaret's cot.

_I must be dreaming. _He realized. He stared at the woman as she stroked Margaret's forehead.

"She looks sweet Benny." Chills shot down his spine. It had been so long since he had heard his mother's sweet voice.

"I like her," She continued. "I wish I could have gotten to know her."

"Mom?" Poor Hawkeye still couldn't get over the fact that he was looking at his mother. _It's just a dream._ He said to himself. _It's just a dream._

"It'll be alright Benny. It'll be alright."

Someone placed a hand on his shoulder and his eyes jerked open.

"Get some rest son," It was Colonel Potter. "You aren't doing her any good by staying here." Hawkeye shook his head.

"I can't leave her." He whispered. He looked back at the place where his mother had been sitting. The chair was pushed neatly beside the bed. Although Hawkeye could have sworn he smelled her scent lingering in the room.

"I need to stay Colonel. More for myself than for her." Potter sighed.

"Fine Pierce, do what you like. You would anyway." He said teasingly.

Hawkeye smiled weakly. "You better believe it."

Margaret moaned and Hawkeye turned his full attention onto her.

"Margaret? Margaret can you hear me?" Her eyelids fluttered open and she squinted her eyes at the bright lights. She tried to focus on something and her gaze landed on Hawkeye. She smiled.

Hawkeye's heart skipped a beat, he loved seeing that smile. He realized everything was going to be fine. On an impulse he leaned forward and kissed her gently on the forehead. As he leaned back he saw that she had gone back to sleep.

"I love you Margaret." He whispered to her sleeping form. "I love you."


	9. Chapter 9

Hawk's eyes jerked open. He glanced at Margaret, jumped up and began pacing around the room.

"Hawk?" Her voice made his heart jump into his throat.

He rushed beside her. He needed to comfort himself by being near her.

"Hey, we've been worried sick about you!" He picked up her hand and she smiled weakly as if to say _"Well I'll try not to do it again." _

"What happened?" she asked weakly. He was surprised; he had been hoping she could tell him.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

As she recounted the events she last remembered he realized that there was quite a bit of her memory she was missing. He looked at her intently and saw a deep blush creep over her face as she said that she couldn't remember anymore.

"Then why are you blushing?" He asked teasingly. Margaret shifted uncomfortably and redirected the conversation back to the original subject.

Hawkeye began to tell her of the events of the past few days. Avoiding any mention of her actual ailments. He knew he shouldn't ask her but he was dying to know.

"What happened?"

"The engine, it was on fire." She paused, trying to sort everything out in her mind. "When I woke up, Koreans…I tried to crawl away…" She was sobbing now and Hawkeye regretted his question immensely. He got up from the chair and sat down beside her on the cot, putting a reassuring arm around her shoulders. Ever since they found her he had wanted nothing more that to take her in his arms and hold her close to him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry." He had meant it as an apology for his careless question but to him it took on another meaning. He was so sorry for everything that had occurred in the past week. Even the things he couldn't control. He felt her stiffen and his heart sank. He knew she had remembered the awkward night of the dance.

"I'm tired. I want to try and get some sleep." He sighed and rose reluctantly. He tried to make one last effort to keep her friendliness around.

"I'll come to check on you in a few hours." He said it almost hopefully.

"Don't bother." Her voice had an icy quality and it made him cringe. He didn't hear what else she said. He had to get out of there. He was torturing himself by staying there next to her.

Hawkeye headed straight for the swap. He thought he could get some sleep; he had hardly slept at all for the past few days. As he entered he groaned inwardly when he saw he wasn't alone. He was in no mood to be pestered by Charles. He glared at him and crashed onto his cot.

"She's still upset with you isn't she?" Hawkeye sighed; all he wanted was to be left alone. Instead of strangling Charles as he so desperately wanted to; he sat up and nodded.

"I'm not surprised. A disappointed woman can be a very frightful thing."

Hawkeye looked at him suspiciously. _What was he getting at?_

"Don't look at me like that. All I'm trying to do is point out that she needs reassurance from you. Woman like men who can reassure them that their feelings are not one sided."

"Look who's talking." Hawkeye muttered spitefully. Charles was about to respond but Colonel Potter walked in suddenly.

"Margaret wants to speak with you." Hawkeye looked up at the elderly man and then lay back down.

"What you mean is, she doesn't really want to talk to me but you talked with her and gave her a very strong suggestion." Potter chuckled.

"Get off your bum and go talk to her." Hawkeye sighed and slowly made his way over to post-op.

As he walked inside he smiled cynically as he saw Margaret nervously chewing her bottom lip. When she saw him she leaned forward to let her hair drape over her face.

"You wanted to talk with me?" Hawkeye was surprised with the tone his voice had taken. He hadn't meant to sound so stern.

"I'm sorry." She whispered meekly. Hawkeye chuckled; she sounded like she was being forced to speak to him. She took a shaky breath and tried to continue. "I… I…uh…I" Hawkeye watched in amazement as this strong woman burst out in tears. He watched for a moment and then quickly sat down beside her and began rubbing her back soothingly.

"Hey, shhh, its okay Margaret. It's okay." He hated seeing her like this. He wanted to make all her worries disappear. He hated thinking that he was the reason for her tears.

"I love you." She whispered. His head began to spin. Could he trust her feelings this time? Her sobbing brought him to a conclusion. He was willing to take a chance. If she changed her mind later on than so be it. But he loved her and he couldn't let another moment go by without telling her.

"I love you too." Her tears stopped almost instantly and she looked up at him. He lovingly placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head back so he could look into her eyes. His heart began to rejoice. All he saw in her eyes was joy; pure joy. He leaned forward and kissed her.


	10. Chapter 10

"Why can't she stay here?" Hawkeye demanded. Colonel Potter glared at him.

"We've been over this before, Pierce. She needs more attention than we can give her!"

"Hey," Hawkeye fell silent at Margaret's hoarse voice. "Some of us are trying to sleep." Hawkeye looked at Colonel Potter as if to say, "_This conversation isn't over"._ He then walked over to Margaret's cot. He hadn't wanted to leave her. He knew he needed sleep but he wanted to be with her as much as possible. When he was near her the war and all his troubles seemed to vanish. Even when she was angry with him he wanted to be near her. Now Potter was insisting that she be sent to Tokyo. Hawkeye knew it was only a matter of time before Potter won.

Hawkeye sat down nervously next to Margaret. He was dreading what he was about to say. And yet at the same time he couldn't wait to speak with her.

"He's going to win." He said. Margaret's head flew up and she looked at him imploringly. The look in her eyes made him wince. He didn't want to hurt her; he wanted to keep her as near to him as possible. He wanted to protect her.

"I can argue with him all I want but he will eventually win because you do need to go to a real hospital." He said soberly. Margaret bit her lip and tried her hardest not to start crying. Hawkeye felt guilty he hadn't meant to make her cry.

"I'll miss you." He said tenderly. "But you'll be back; as soon as you're healed they'll send you back." With every word Margaret's tears increased. Hawkeye desperately wanted to end this conversation, he only wanted to hold her and assure her everything would be all right.

"I don't want you to go without giving you this." As he was speaking Hawkeye had placed his hand into his pocket; it emerged holding a small, blue velvet box. Hawkeye's hands were shaking so badly he almost couldn't open it.

"I love you Margaret," Hawkeye was surprised at the quality of his voice. It seemed to him as if he was on the edge of a steep cliff contemplating jumping over the edge. He took a deep breath and jumped. "I know this seems strange but I don't want to let you go without having the assurance that I'll never lose you again. I want…I'm asking you to me marry me." There, he had done it. He had jumped over the edge and was now praying that he wouldn't hit the bottom. "Will you marry me?" He couldn't take his eyes off of her. For a moment time seemed to freeze as he dangled in midair. Soon a sickening feeling filled his stomach as he realized she hadn't given him an answer but instead was sobbing hysterically. He had just hit the bottom…hard. He tried to gain his composure and stood up as he snapped the box shut.

"I'm sorry Margaret." He paused remembering what his mother had told him. _"Give this to the girl you want to spend the rest of you life with."_ He sighed; this was the girl who he wanted to grow old with.

"I want you to keep the ring anyway." He placed the box beside her as she shook her head. He was about to insist when she finally broke her sobs and choked out a response.

"Idiot…" was all that he caught. Hawkeye frowned, was she trying to add insult to injury? He was about to walk away when the second half of her statement reached his ears. "…I love you."

Hawkeye turned and quickly sat down beside her. "Then…" He trailed off, he wasn't sure if he was able to ask again.

"Yes," she sobbed. "I'll marry you." She the buried herself into Hawkeye's arms. It took him a moment to realize what had just occurred. He kissed the top of her head gently and pushed her back onto the cot.

He leaned in and gently kissed her cheek, he moved slightly to the left, brushing her nose with her lips. Lust surged through him and yet his love for her, his real love, not lust, held him back. He kissed her softly on her lips and then leaned up slowly. He stared at her tattered face, stroking her cheek gently. He knew she would have to go to a hospital, her injuries were quite extensive, and although she was no longer in danger she still needed almost constant attention.

When she had arrived one of her numerous broken ribs had punctured her left lung, she could barely breathe. The bullet hole in her right shoulder was filthy and infected. Her right collar bone was broken and she had two more bullet holes in her right leg. Besides this she had countless deep cuts and bruises, not to mention several bad burns from the explosion. When they were operating, her temperature had risen to 105.7 degrees. The honestly didn't think she would make it through surgery.

"Marry me today." Margaret looked at him strangely, color seeping into her face.

"What?" She managed to stutter. "Hawk, I can't even…I can't…uh." Her face was now bright red.

"I know," Hawkeye said, smiling broadly. He knew exactly what she was thinking. "I know you can barely sit up." He paused and then asked teasingly. "That is what you were going to say wasn't it Hot Lips?" If it was possible Margaret turned an even deeper shade of red. "I want to marry you before you go to Tokyo." Hawkeye's mind was reeling. He knew that he would go crazy if she left before they were married. He wasn't sure why it was so important to him but he needed the assurance that he wouldn't lose her. He was well aware of the fact that they couldn't have a wedding, (or a wedding night) but he needed her to agree to this. Maybe he was just afraid that she would change her mind while in Tokyo.

She smiled and her blush began to recede. "Yes Doctor, I'll marry you today."

* * *

Hawkeye stood next to the ambulance as two men picked up her stretcher and placed her gently inside. He climbed inside after her and picked up her hand and smiled sadly.

"I'm gonna miss you Hot Lips." He said quietly. Margaret swallowed the tears that were threatening to spill.

"I'll be back soon." She said. Hawkeye nodded and kissed her gently.

"Goodbye Mrs. Pierce." She laughed lightly. With a final kiss Hawkeye climbed out of the vehicle and watched sadly as Klinger shut the doors. The engine started and Hawkeye watched as the ambulance drove out of the compound. He stayed perfectly still watching the ambulance shrink smaller and smaller into the distance until it rounded a bend and disappeared.

His shoulders sagged and he cursed softly to himself before turning and walking towards BJ who was standing nearby.

"Come on Hawk, I've got a wedding present for you." BJ said, trying to sound cheerful. Hawkeye shrugged and they walked towards the swamp. As they walked inside Hawkeye laughed cynically.

"Are you trying to kill me?" He asked his friend sarcastically. Hawkeye sat down in his lawn chair as BJ poured them a drink from the newly assembled still. He placed an olive in each glass and handed one to Hawkeye.

"Cheers!" BJ offered. Hawkeye looked sullenly into the martini; he sighed and raised his glass, tipping the edge of BJ's.

"Cheers." He responded flatly. He brought the glass to his lips and took a small sip. He gagged and offered his friend a shaky smile.

"Just as awful as ever."


	11. Chapter 11

Hawkeye spent the next week in misery. He was constantly moping around the compound like a bored puppy.

"Come on Hawk," BJ said to him, "You're making this harder than it has to be!"

Hawkeye turned and looked at his friend; they were sitting side by side in the mess tent, a tray of slop in front of each of them. Hawkeye picked up a spoonful of what was supposed to be mashed potatoes and drew it up to his nose, sniffing it suspiciously.

"Oh give me a break will you?" Hawkeye defended. "You've been moping about leaving your wife for over a year!" Hawkeye stuck his tongue out at the man.

"Yes but your wife is in the same continent as you and she isn't caring for you child!" Splat! Hawkeye's spoonful of mashed potatoes landed squarely on BJ's forehead. As BJ wiped them off Hawkeye calmly stood up and exited the tent.

* * *

Hawkeye walked down the middle of post-op towards the door. His shift was done and Charles had just taken over. He walked outside, shivering in the cool evening breeze. He quickly walked to the swamp, pulling his light jacket on as he went. As he entered the tent he saw BJ sitting sadly on his cot.

"What's going on Beej?" He asked curiously. It wasn't very often that his friend looked this depressed.

"I haven't heard from her in twenty-six days!" He yelled angrily. Hawkeye rolled his eyes; he was in no mood for this.

"No one has heard from anyone in twenty-six days!" He shouted back. "Now stop mopping around." He paused as he poured himself a drink. Then he turned and smiled wickedly at his friend. "You're making it harder than it has to be."

BJ only glared at him before flopping backwards onto his cot. "Pour me some will you?" Hawkeye smirked and handed him a glass.

* * *

"Please Colonel; it's only for two days!" Hawkeye pleaded.

"No Pierce! We're drowning in casualties; we can't afford to lose a surgeon." Hawkeye walked towards the door glaring at the man. "It's only one more week Pierce."

* * *

"Clamp."

"Clamp." Charles echoed as he handed Hawkeye the instrument. "Remind me again why one of the nurses isn't assisting you?"

"Because you're being such a gentleman and doing it yourself." BJ piped in from the head of the table. He was holding an oxygen mask over the man's face.

"That's hardly a reason." Charles responded pompously. Hawkeye rolled his eyes as he began to close up the soldier.

"Oh come on Charles, they needed a break. What's an extra hour going to do to you?" Hawkeye asked impatiently. As he was saying this they heard Colonel Potter announce a meeting with all nurses in his office immediately.

"I wonder what that is all about." BJ pondered aloud.

"I don't know, but I wish that I could do that." Hawkeye said suggestively.

"I'm not sure what you are implying, but may I remind you that you are now a married man? Or does you opinion still hold as it did with Carlye?" BJ felt guilty the instant he said it. Hawkeye shot him a hateful glance and BJ felt his defenses going up.

"Who's Carlye?" Charles asked, his curiosity piqued by the hateful glare Pierce sent BJ. BJ knew he should keep his mouth shut but that look Hawkeye gave him made his blood boil.

"Carlye was an old flame of Hawkeye's." Charles raised his eyebrows with a fiendish interest. BJ continued, "He was planning on proposing to her when she left him." Charles chuckled in delight.

"So your charm fell dead at her feet and she trampled you." Charles said rather triumphantly. Hawkeye looked like he was about ready to stab both men with a scalpel. BJ, however, was oblivious to this and continued on.

"She was transferred here a short while after I arrived. Hawk convinced her to cheat on her husband and then she walked out on him…again."

Charles looked at Hawkeye, he could see now that the man was boiling. "Ah Pierce, I see you are trying to practice some restraint, I applaud you for that but I must ask if you desire Margaret to remain faithful to you even though you have no intention of remaining faithful to her?"

Unfortunately for Charles, Hawkeye had just finished closing the patient. Charles didn't even see his fist coming. Hawkeye hit him squarely in the jaw, sending him sprawling onto the table behind him. Hawkeye calmly removed his surgical gloves and pushed past the swinging doors into the next room.

* * *

BJ's shift ended at midnight; he walked tentatively toward the swamp. He hadn't talked to Hawkeye since the surgery and he felt really guilty. _What kind of jerk am I?_ He wondered. He had kicked his friend while he was already down, he shouldn't have encouraged Winchester like that. _Well, time for some humble pie._ He thought as he entered the swamp. He saw the sleeping form of his friend sprawled out in his lawn chair, a thin blanket pulled around his shoulders.

"Hawkeye."

Hawk's eyes jerked open and he mumbled something incoherently before falling back asleep.

"Hawkeye, wake up!" BJ demanded, pulling the blanket off him.

"Go away." He mumbled.

"Nothing doin' pal. I need to talk to you." BJ said firmly. Hawkeye forced open his eyes and stared at BJ coldly.

"What do you want?" He asked menacingly. BJ winced at his tone of voice and yet he knew he deserved it.

"I'm sorry Hawk, I was being a jerk."

"Yes you were." Hawkeye confirmed. BJ just looked at him, his eyes pleading with him to forgive and forget. Hawkeye sighed. "Oh don't look at me like that. Fine, let's forget it. However, I refuse to forgive that pompous windbag!" BJ chuckled.

"I wouldn't forgive him either." BJ paused and his face turned serious again.

"You know I don't think that you would ever…"

"I know Beej, I know."

* * *

At seven in the morning the following day a loud announcement blasted over the PA system.

_Doctors Winchester, Honicutt, and Pierce report to Colonel Potter's office imediatley. Sorry sirs he made me call you._

Hawkeye groaned and sat up. "This better be good." He slowly slipped on his shoes and shrugged his thread-bare bathrobe on, not even bothering to put any pants on. He barged into the office and found that Charles and BJ were already there. They were somewhat upset but mostly they appeared nervous. He chuckled slightly as he say the large bruise on Charles' face.

"What happened to your face Charles?" Hawkeye asked mischievously.

Potter didn't give him a chance to answer. "He ran into a doorpost." Hawkeye grinned and took a seat.

"Listen Pierce," Potter sighed and poured himself and Hawkeye a drink. "Last night I was informed that the nurses are being evacuated."

"How are we supposed to operate?' Hawkeye yelled.

"They said we would have to improvise." Potter responded angrily.

"What on earth does that mean? We can't…"

"Can it Pierce! Do you think I'm an idiot? I know we're going to have problems with this but there's nothing I can do about it!"


	12. Chapter 12

Hawkeye ran to the office and grabbed the phone out of Radar's hand.

"Hello, Kellye?" He grinned. "Is she there? Good, tell her…oh tell her whatever you like." He said laughing. "Did you make arrangements with the other nurse? Oh good. Thanks Kellye I really appreciate this. Uh huh…Goodbye." Hawkeye handed the receiver back to Radar and walked into the next room.

"Colonel…" He began.

Potter interrupted him. "Hold your horses Pierce. I have the pass for you right here." He handed Hawkeye some papers. "Don't drool on them Pierce." Colonel Potter said playfully as Hawkeye scanned the papers.

"Thanks Colonel." Hawkeye shouted as he ran from the room. Colonel Potter chuckled as he heard Hawkeye's voice floating through the thin walls. "Radar get me a jeep!" Potter had never seen Pierce quite this excited before.

"Ain't love grand." He muttered quietly to himself.

* * *

Hawkeye walked into the filthy hotel, unaware of his surroundings. He couldn't wait to see Margaret, although he knew he would have to wait until the next day. It was a little past midnight now and he was exhausted. He checked in and walked up a narrow, rickety staircase to his room. A few moments later he was sound asleep.

As morning approached Hawkeye was already awake. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees. He was going crazy. He didn't think he could make it until that night.

Hawkeye spent the day pacing around his hotel room; he never left the room. As eight pm approached Hawkeye pulled a comb through his matted hair and shaved. It was almost completely dark as he began to walk through the crowded streets. He finally arrived at his destination and followed the directions that he had hurriedly scribbled onto a piece of paper. He looked around cautiously and slipped through a door to his right. He glanced around the room and noticed several familiar items that assured him that he was in the right place. He sat down on the cot he assumed to be hers, (the one that had the sheets folded to perfection) and waited. Hawkeye waited in silence for almost a half hour. The entire time his mind was spinning. He still couldn't believe he was here. Had it all really happened? Had she actually married him? He glanced down at the ring on his left hand; the ring that had at one time been his fathers. Yes, it was all real.

Hawkeye's head jerked up, he heard her laugh. His body tensed with excitement and he smiled. He heard Kellye say something and her hurried footsteps walking away. The door opened and Margaret stepped inside. Hawkeye wanted to jump up and grab her but he forced himself to stat still. She took off her light jacket and threw it on top of him. She started to take off her shirt and Hawkeye smiled wickedly. He decided to inform her of his presence.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Margaret whipped herself around and stared at him. Hawkeye laughed and started to sit up but was thrown back onto the cot. He tried to pull her off of him but she was clinging to him like a vine. Then he noticed that she was sobbing hysterically. He shook his head; she certainly had been crying a lot lately.

"Hey some welcome; a torrent of tears." He smiled and gently wiped off her tears with the edge of his sleeve.

"I missed you." She choked out.

Hawkeye smiled and started to lean forward to kiss her. "I missed you too Hot Lips."

She jerked back and looked up at him. "Where were you last night?"

Hawkeye smiled knowing she must have tried to call him. He wondered what they had told her. "I was at a hotel not far from here; why do you ask?" He grinned mischievously as he saw her turn a million shades of red. He guessed at what she had been thinking about him.

"Does Kellye know?" She asked. Hawkeye laughed loudly, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

"Of course she does, why do you think she's bunking with a different nurse for the next two nights?"

"Two nights?" He nodded.

"Yeah Colonel Potter gave me a three day pass." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "You know we never got a honeymoon."

"I am quite aware of that fact Captain." Margaret replied, blushing slightly. Hawkeye loved seeing her blush. He playfully poked her side and she squealed. He grabbed her hands and pinned them down against the cot. He began tickling her stomach as she squirmed around; tears of laughter pouring out of her eyes.

"Stop!" She screamed. "Please stop!" It was taking all of Hawkeye's strength to hold her down. Suddenly he felt something contact his face and he dropped onto the floor. He brought his hand up to his face and felt blood trickling out of his nose. Pain began to slowly creep up the side of his face; starting at his nose and making its way around his eye. He looked up at Margaret who was trying her hardest to keep herself from laughing at him. She handed him a towel and sat down beside him.

"I'm going to have a hard time explaining this black eye at the 4077th." Hawkeye said teasingly. He felt her body lean up against his and he took his free arm and wrapped it around her tightly. He didn't want to ever let go.


	13. Chapter 13

Hawkeye savored every moment he had with Margaret. He began to see a part of her the he had only seen glimpses of before. She quickly learned to trust in his love for her and she began letting her guard down. Every moment he was with her he fell more deeply in love with her. He loved everything about her, especially her laugh. More than anything he loved to make her laugh. The last night he was with her he simply held her in his arms. He inhaled the sweet scent of her hair and stroked her back gently. The next morning he held his tearful wife close as he kissed her goodbye.

The next two months were torture for him. They managed to talk on the phone about once a week; Hawkeye couldn't wait until she came back. It was the middle of June and Hawkeye desperately missed her.

"Cap'n Pierce," Radar called as he entered the tent. "Colonel Potter wants to talk to you." Hawkeye pulled himself out of his chair and walked towards the office.

"What did I do?" He asked as he walked through the doors.

Colonel Potter looked up. "You better sit down Pierce." Hawkeye looked at him warily as he sat down. "Have a drink?" Hawkeye nodded. "We're getting our nurses back."

Hawkeye laughed. "Finally!" he sobered at the look on the Colonel's face. "What's wrong?" he asked suspiciously.

"We're getting all new nurses; including a head nurse."

"What?" Hawkeye jumped up and pounded his fist on the desk. "Colonel…"

"Oh hold your horses, Pierce. I tried to see if we could get Margaret back. They said it wouldn't be a problem but now they can't find her."

Hawkeye sat down and stared into his glass before taking a drink. "How can they lose a person?" He asked after a long silence.

Colonel Potter walked over to him and placed a caring hand on his shoulder. "I don't know son. But don't worry, we'll find her."

* * *

So for all of you that has been following alongside this story in "A Lifetime of Regrets" you know that Margaret is headed stateside! I'm stopping this story for a while because it's kind of hard to write a romance when one of the main characters is missing. I suppose I could keep it going but there would be too many chapters and Hawkeye constantly looking for Margaret would get rather boring. So there will be one more chapter in this story, tying in with the last chapter of LOR. I guess you all will just have to wait and see what happens!


	14. Chapter 14

So, like I said I needed to take a break from this story. I am basically skipping chapters 14-17. That means that this chapter ties in with chapter 18 of A Lifetime of Regrets. So let's assume that the in thses past few months HAwkeye tried his hardest to find his wife but was unsuccessful. And if any of you are confused as to why Hawkeye is upset around the child on the plane, it is all explained in Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen. If you haven't seen the final episode Hawkeye's action won't be as understandable but it will still make sense. Enjoy!

* * *

Hawkeye stared sullenly out the window of the airplane. He didn't know what was the matter with him. He was going home, he should be ecstatic. He was happy of course, but the joy he should be feeling was countered by the fact the Margaret was not with him. He hadn't seen her in over a year. With the help of Colonel Potter he had searched for her for months. The army had simply "lost" her. Hawkeye came incredibly close to staying in Korea and looking for her there. But in the end he decided to go home and then decide what to do.

He wandered aimlessly around Honolulu for a few hours before getting on his next flight to L.A. Once there he was relieved that he was finally back in the states. If he would have had the time he would have purchased some clothes and thrown away his uniform. He was so sick of his stupid uniform.

He excitedly boarded his flight headed for Maine. He sat down and closed his eyes in nervous anticipation. He pictured the ocean, the beautiful ocean, mixed colors of grey and blue and green, crashing about the rocky beach.

A woman sat beside him and he groaned inwardly as he saw she was carrying a small infant. Try as hard as he might he couldn't shake his uneasiness around children. Hawkeye cringed as the child patted his arms playfully. He shoved himself against the window and closed his eyes. He was beginning to feel very claustrophobic.

Four hours, and twenty three minutes later the airplane landed in Maine. It was nearing six o'clock and Hawkeye felt hungry, sick, and desperately in need of a drink. As he tumbled out of the aircraft and into the terminal he took a deep breath, thankful to be out of his small seat and away from that baby.

He glanced around and heard someone call his name. He turned around to where the voice came from and he saw his father running towards him. Hawkeye dropped his small bag and threw his arms around his father.

"Hawkeye," a woman's voice called out. Hawkeye's head jerked up and he scanned the terminal anxiously.

"Did someone just call me?" He asked his father curiously. Daniel stepped back from his son, wiping his eyes and pointed to a woman standing nearby, her arms wrapped tightly around a blanket. Hawkeye stared at her; there was something about her that seemed so familiar. Hawkeye gasped and his mouth dropped open. He ran to the woman and held her close.

"Oh my Margaret," he whispered into her hair. "Oh baby, I missed you." Hawkeye felt warm tears running down his cheeks. He couldn't believe that Margaret was in Maine. It was the last place he would have ever looked for her.

He pulled back from her and smiled; she tried to smile but started laughing. Hawkeye worriedly led her to a chair and sat her down on his lap. He wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face. He rubbed her back as she tried to catch her breath.

"Hi baby," he managed to mutter. So many emotions were coursing through his body, so many questions.

"That's Major to you." She responded playfully. Hawkeye was shocked that she remembered something like that.

"Right; hi Major Baby."

She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder and Hawkeye found himself pulling her into a warm and comforting embrace. He tightened his grasp and a protesting cry was emitted from the bundle in her arms. Hawkeye jumped and Margaret laughed gently.

Hawkeye realized for the first time that the bundle in her arms held a baby. He uneasily pushed her onto the chair beside him and stared anxiously at the baby.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" He asked, trying to play it cool. He didn't' want to have to explain his fears to Margaret. He didn't think that she would be able to understand his uneasiness.

"This is Danny," she looked up at him and saw his worried expression and she frowned. Hawkeye attempted to smile to put her mind at rest. "Daniel Benjamin Pierce."

Hawkeye gasped and felt as if his head would explode. Daniel Benjamin Pierce, that means that…that…Hawkeye tilted Margaret's head upward to look into her eyes.

"Mine?" was all he could manage to ask. As she nodded Hawkeye felt sick. He had a baby, he was a father. He noticed Margaret watching him tearfully as she chewed her bottom lip.

On an impulse Hawkeye reached for the child. Hawkeye tried in vain to control his shaking hands. He felt Margaret still them with her own and her gazed into the eyes of the baby. The child stared back at him with an equal curiosity and Hawkeye felt all his apprehensions fleeing his mind. This was his son, his baby. As his emotion peaked, Hawkeye threw back his head and laughed. He couldn't remember the last time when had truly laughed, without being weighed down by worries and cares. But as he looked into the bright blue eyes of his son he felt so alive. It was a feeling that was completely foreign to him, but completely welcome.

Hawkeye joyfully stood up and wrapped arms around his wife's waist.

"Come on Major Baby, let's get some dinner."


End file.
